Isn't there anyone who knows what Hanukkah is all about?

I rather like the story of Hanukkah. Except for the "miracle of the oil" thing, it is virtually devoid of religious overtone. A subjugated population, with increasing internal friction between the haves and the have nots, revolts against their foreign oppressors. The foreigners, and the haves who kowtow to them, get hammered* by the have nots who go on to re-establish their autonomous nation.

It's a classic story of triumph, a narrative that permeates everything from "The Count of Monte Cristo" to "Rudy". All too often, however, gentiles seem to think the Festival of Lights is just dreidel spinning and candle burning. This leaves me wondering, ala Charlie Brown, if there is anyone who knows what Hanukkah is all about.

Apparently, according to Rabbi Yehuda Levin, Hannukah is all about anal sex. Seriously. The upper class Jews loved their Hellenistic overlords so much that they decided to show it by expressing the love that dares not speak its name. Good thing the Maccabees knew how to distribute some old time, Biblical, expeditious, justice.

The faithful Jews, willingly martyred themselves to defeat the debauchery of that time both heterosexual and homosexual. Thus Chanukah represents the first ever defeat of a world power's homosexual agenda!

Holy crap on a popsicle stick! That's a whole lot a crazy! Well I don't know anything about Rabbi Levin, but if this Wikipedia entry is accurate (and I certainly hope that it isn't) he likes to hang out with Fred Phelps. Yes that Fred Phelps.

I want to return to my bubble now.

* Pun intended.